Dec 03 2012

Social phobia in the break room

Published by at 5:37 pm under A World of Inspiration

“I’m in nobody’s circle, I’ve always been an outsider.” – Joan Rivers

Since middle school, I’ve had the same thing happen again and again.  It goes something like this: whenever I made friends, they would invariably feel more comfortable with their own circle of friends than with me, and I would end up sitting alone.  Sometimes I tried talking to them more often, but then they would not approach me again.  When that happened, I would feel like giving up; what was the point of trying?  In fact, I still have some residual hurt feelings from a bad experience with coworkers several years ago when they decided not to include me during their breaks because of having different interests.  It’s a long story.  I’m working hard to overcome that.

Part of the process is analyzing myself.  I’ve realized that because I have so few close friends, I have a tendency to get emotionally attached to any possible new friend.  If I noticed them spending more time or attention on others than me, I would feel jealous and clingy, and that would eventually repel them.  Trying too hard or not trying at all doesn’t really seem to get me anywhere, does it?  Finding that middle ground is a constant challenge for me.  As of this winter, I’m planning to start up my “World of Inspiration” by reaching out and sharing my personal experiences.

One response so far

One Response to “Social phobia in the break room”

  1. Edon 07 Dec 2012 at 10:42 am

    Hi Senthil.
    – Once again, I can relate to your story and experiences. Being considered an outsider or an outcast with classmates and fellow workers or even in my own family is tough and hard to deal with on a continuing basis. I do tend to get over involved (clingy) when I do make friends which then just scares the friend(s) away.

    – I am terrible with members of the opposite sex that I am interested in having a relationship with. Maybe I am going outside my level of attractiveness area, maybe I am ugly or my personality sucks, or is it something else? I am also mostly shy which doesn’t help things.

    – Life is about experiences and learning from them. Because hearing is required to communicate effectively, is it possible that I have just missed what others consider common knowledge? I know there are a lot of life sayings and phrases that I have missed. My father used to be always super surprised when I don’t know what he is talking about when according to him, it is stuff that everyone should know. This reaction only makes me feel worst and want to withdraw further.

    – How did I miss this life stuff? Well, my parents were always constantly busy with making money, I have no brothers to help lead me, and my two sisters were away at college during my most important high school development years. I am not sure that the older one ever cared anyway. They both went to lots of high school dances, had boyfriends, and went skiing. I didn’t go to any high school dances, didn’t have a girlfriend until college, and only was invited to go skiing once. It wasn’t much fun as I was left completely alone after getting my skis, ticket, etc.

    – I moved across town at the age of 14 and had to start completely over friendwise. Not exactly easy in junior high school. I have reconnected with a few of my elementary past friends via Facebook, so that was exciting. But only one has actually met me in person; I guess the others aren’t interested. A couple didn’t even accept my friend requests. I guess they didn’t remember me or perhaps they really weren’t my friend. My best friend from that era committed suicide just a few years ago. I wasn’t able to find him in time.

    – Your statement above about “giving up and what is the point?” sounds a lot like I feel about my job prospects now. I have been mostly unemployed for the past three years, under employed since 2008, and haven’t had a great (not really, but I liked it) job since 2006. Office politics are very difficult for me, and I am the world’s worst job hunter.

    – Even the job help people can’t seem to help me. I applied at the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation (DVR) in March 2010. They eventually hired a company to help me, but it isn’t helping! Not even one interview.

    – Without a job, how will I ever get the relationship I crave? Double whammy.

    – It all boils down to the life lessons I missed out on earlier. That is my life. I can relate to yours. Your Friend, Ed

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