Dec 30 2012

End of the World

Published by at 11:10 pm under Social Avenues

After making so much progress earlier this year, I felt like the world was coming to an end when I lost my self-confidence once again.  Last summer, making new friends at the church group had put me on top of the world.  We went bike riding, attended summer get-togethers, played volleyball, and listened to live music in downtown Waukesha.  It was fun, but I got overwhelmed.  When I found out that some of these people had their own circle of friends and heard about events that I wasn’t invited to, I felt like an outsider again.  Our age differences didn’t help, either; many of them were much younger than I was.  My discouragement got to the point that I lost interest in these events.

Later on, when a new friendship fizzled out, I realized that I had a tendency to get emotionally attached, which would lead to jealousy and clinginess whenever my friend hung out with others.  That, in turn, would lead to worse social anxiety.  Because of that, I started to miss out on social opportunities during the fall, especially at work.  One day, the Internet went down and all of the designers decided to go out for lunch.  I was the only one who backed out because I was afraid of being disappointed again.  I still regret not going to that one.

For 2013, I want to make a fresh start.  My New Year’s resolution is to rebuild my self-confidence and push all those negative thoughts aside.  To help myself do that, I’m considering therapy sessions and a new exercise regimen.

At the beginning of 2012, I never thought I would open up this much in my blog, but venting my feelings and reaching out to others has been helping me get through life’s struggles.  I’ll work hard to make things better next year and continue to expand the hearing loss community.  In January, I plan to film and post my second YouTube video.  I just need to be patient and stay positive.  I can’t give up now.  Thank you all for your support over the past year.  Rather than thinking it’s the end of the world, I will think of 2013 as an amazing new beginning.

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