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I think life is too precious to be wasted on doing things that really don’t matter.  During the past few years, I found myself doing things that don’t make any difference.  I’ve talked to several nice people online but haven’t had much success in the physical world.  I’ve gone through many different online social networking sites hoping that I would meet someone and make new friends.  Then I realized doing the same type of thing isn’t going to get me anywhere.

As for the summer, I’ve been looking at doing some volunteer work.  I also plan to attend the hearing loss chapter meeting in my area.  I’m hoping these will give me the opportunity to make my life more interesting while helping others, and hopefully find friends to hang out with.  I’ve also been trying so hard to meet a nice girl to spend time with.

I’ve had many bad experiences in the past with broken friendships and not being included in social activities, but I have to move forward and put those experiences behind me.  I believe all of this takes confidence and a positive outlook, so that’s what I’m working on.

I will continue to share my experiences with my readers.

As always, thanks for reading, and feel free to share your stories and ideas.

I was feeling down for not having any special plans on New Year’s Eve.  During that night, I was thinking about myself being unsocial and not having many friends.  But then, just before the new year, my thoughts became positive and I realized how lucky I am and how much progress I have made. 

I’m lucky to have a roof over my head, a secure job in this struggling economy, a wonderful family, good health, new friends, and I’m finally realizing that my past is just that, my past, and that I control ‘the now.’ That has probably been my biggest struggle.

I have also worked very hard during the past several months; I have attended more social events, created an online hearing loss community, made some new friends from a church group, and last week I joined a health club which has really helped lower my anxiety and raise my confidence.

I have more progress planned for the new year, mainly focused on finding new social avenues, accepting myself, and fighting off the negative thoughts that never seem to be beneficial. Staying positive is the only way.

Thank you for reading and feel free to share your story.

Happy New Year!

I ordered Chinese food on Friday night that came with a fortune cookie.  I opened it and my fortune was, “Good news will come to you from far away.”  I believe it is happening and will continue happening because of the effort I am putting forth. 

I started my positive venture by building a hearing loss community.  I am meeting lots of interesting people and making new friends.  It makes me feel good about myself to contribute and help others.  It has also helped make me realize that I am not the only one who has had a difficult time dealing with hearing problems.

Another thing I am working on is my social skills.  My first step was to get myself involved in social events.  I joined a church group several months ago and met some very nice people.  The first meeting was over lunch at the Olive Garden, and I was so nervous going there because I did not know anyone, but I had the courage to do this and now I’m feeling more comfortable to get involved in other events.  In fact, I have joined another group that meets this coming weekend, and I’m neverously excited for this to happen.

One more goal of mine is to meet that special someone.  I feel I am in a better place in my life, and now I’m more ready than ever to share my life with someone.  A friend at work told me that it takes longer for some people than others and I should never give up.  Giving up is not part of my vocabulary.

I have learned that you must like yourself for other people to like you, so I will continue to move forward with my goals and stay positive about myself.  I know good things and people are all around me.

I can’t wait to experience whatever comes next.

During the year of 1973, my parents and sister had taken a trip to Milwaukee and visited Wisconsin Dells.  There was a place called Story Book Land with several nursery book characters like Humpty Dumpty, Snow White, and so on.  Some of the characters roamed around the park, similar to Disney World.  One of the characters, An angel, came and asked my sister, Sheila, for a wish.  She wished to have a brother, and the angel granted her wish (me!).  So, my parents decided to bring another child in the family.  That was when I was born on 1974 in Quincy, Illinois.

I came into this world about 3 weeks ahead of schedule.  Even though I was very small and premature, they did not have to put me in an incubator.  During the first 2 years, my parents didn’t have any idea about my hearing loss.  Everything seemed normal.  At 2 years of age, I wasn’t talking clearly and my parents didn’t understand the words I was saying.  I was very active and I would sometimes talk too much.  They started to get a little concerned even though people were saying some boys are slow and shouldn’t they worry too much.  Even so, my parents decided to take me to Children’s Hospital to find out whether the doctors can give any answers.  After testing me for several hours, they said there was nothing wrong and I was just a little hyper active.

My parents decided to send me to elementary school which had a program for very young children with development needs.  It was like a day care program, but with more emphasis on developing the skills for a toddler.  The teachers adored me since I was so cute (It’s true!).  I was very anxious everyday going to school and started to learn more words.  Again, my parents did not understand clearly.  For example, I used to say “Uppa” and I was trying to say School Bus (S and L have high frequency components that I was not able to hear completely).  I often said “Eyya” and they figured out I was trying to say Sheila, my sister’s name.

The next year, my family and I went to India.  My uncle (mom’s side of the family) found a good ENT specialist.  They took me to the doctor to make sure there was nothing wrong with my ears.  The doctor talked with me for about one half hour, asking me some questions and observing me.  He was pretty sure I had some sort of hearing loss and recommended that I see an audiologist when I returned to USA.

The audiologist determined I had mild to moderate hearing loss.  I was not able to hear the high frequency components of the words, but I could hear the low frequency very well. They found out my hearing can be easily corrected by wearing hearing aids and getting special training.

Fortunately, Lowell Elementary School in Waukesha had a special program for deaf and hard of hearing children.  They enrolled me in the program right away.  I lost the first four years of childhood without hearing all the words and the experience.  So, I had to catch up a lot.  The teachers were excellent.  It was very hard during the first several years having special training and speech therapy.  I had to wear a box with a transmitter and receiver so that the teachers could communicate with me easily.  My parents were heart broken to see me wear a hearing aid box and walk around the school.  I’ve been told it didn’t bother me, and I was simply very happy to hear well and understood everything.

By the time I graduated from Elementary school, the teachers integrated me with regular students.  I didn’t need any additional special training.  For me, it took more work than others to study and get good grades. 

That concludes my journey to the discovery of my hearing loss.

People may be wondering why I chose this title for my Website (www.IAmHearingImpaired.com).  First of all, there are millions of people who have some level of hearing loss.  It could be mild, severe, or profound.  I hear many say different words to describe their hearing loss.  Some would consider themselves deaf, hard of hearing (HOH), hearing disability, deaf culture, or simply hearing impaired.  Each word conveys a certain meaning.  I guess people with a hearing loss would choose the word to describe them for what they feel comfortable with.

I chose the title “Hearing Impaired” because that is how I described myself since childhood.  My parents and teachers would bring up the phrase saying, “Senthil has taken hearing impaired classes in Elementary school.”  I remember there was one student who could not talk clearly and relied on sign language entirely to communicate.  There was another student who has only mild hearing loss, and he heard most of the sounds wearing the hearing aids.  That was the same for me, and we did not have to communicate to others using sign language.

In other words, I think the word “impaired” applies to people having any level of hearing loss whether it’s weakened or damaged.  I want the site to sound personal and not some organization for a specific group.  My goal is to have everyone in the hearing loss community to come together to share information and personal experiences.

My 3-month subscription with eHarmony has ended.  They have automatically renewed my subscription for another month and charged my credit card without prior notification.  I couldn’t find any phone number on their site.  I sent an email to customer support and finally got a number to call.  Fortunately, they were kind enough to give me the refund.  The person over the phone asked, “Why are you leaving eHarmony.”  I told them nobody was responding or contacting me.  The person did not give any advice, suggestions, or encouragement to continue using their service.  So, that was the end of it for me.  Their tagline is “We look forward to helping you find the love of your life.”  They certainly did not give me any help with the money I spent.

It is very questionable how accurate the matching system works in eHarmony?  I have answered all the questions honestly.  I have received one contact for open communication in the first set of seven matches sent to me.  Afterwards, I didn’t get any contacts by receiving over 200 matches during the 3 month period.  For the people I showed interest, they wouldn’t respond.  Many of the matches I got did not view my profile.  What is the point of meeting people if they aren’t online?  I’ve also seen few profiles posting very little information and pictures that look fake… possibly a scanned model picture from a magazine.  I seen many profiles without a picture.  I don’t want to visualize my match like a character in a novel.  Lastly, they added features such as sending icebreakers similar to other dating sites.  These are sending pre-written messages to paid and non-paid members such as “Just wanted to say hi.”  As I seen in their advertisements, eHarmony make them sound very different than other dating sites and why they charge more.  For me, it was no different.  It was just a waste of time and energy answering all the questions honestly and thinking I will meet some people.  I’ve heard success stories about people finding that special someone in eHarmony but that could be one out of a million, who knows?  I don’t have any real answers other than my personal experiences.

I decided to end my online dating adventure.  I haven’t had much success using dating sites that includes Match.com, Singlesnet.com, Plentyoffish.com, and Shaadi.com.  Honestly, I have met few people but the friendship did not last.  These sites seem to deliver the same results.  I come across many fake profiles.  I wouldn’t know if I am contacting paid members because many of them can post free profiles.  So, I won’t get their emails or reply if they aren’t paid members.  I contacted hundreds of people and many of them won’t respond.  How embarrassing is that!  I don’t know the real reasons behind this.   Do any of these people actually exist?  I taken dating advices for putting the right words in my profile, sending messages, and posting pictures.  Still, I did not have any luck.

I am very frustrated trying to meet people online that has been happening for 2 years now.  I just want to meet new people and have a friend to hang out with.  Why does it have to be so difficult to make it happen?   I would like to hear from anyone who has been through this online dating experience.  Please share your stories and I’ll post them here.

During the spring of 2006, I got a little taste of what is to come in the online dating world.  I subscribed to Match.com dating service for several months, and I only found one person interested in me.  This was my first experience meeting someone online.  I wasn’t receiving any responses from people who posted pictures in their profiles.  I was dismayed to learn that all of my matches won’t respond to my emails.  So, I decided to contact a few people who did not post a picture, and maybe something good will come out of it.

I finally got one response.  It was after I wrote a different type of email, something that stands out and doesn’t sound generic.  In the profile, this girl wrote something like “I am looking for someone who is not afraid to speak their mind”, and I responded to this in the email saying that itself depicts her true personality.  I got a short reply from her saying “Hello! How’s it going?”.  Her name was Amy.  I didn’t think this was a good response to start a conversation but it’s better than having no new messages.  So, I started the conversation saying how nice the weather was, and that I have been bike riding.  The real test was whether I going to get another reply from Amy?  I’ve had experiences when people don’t reply to my second email and disappear.  I don’t have any real answers to why is that… but maybe these girls aren’t interested or serious about meeting someone.  I guess there could be millions of reasons and I’ll never know it.

Amy did reply to my second email, and I passed the test!  So, that means I got myself into the second stage of the communication process.  She was actually interested in talking with me.

She is interested in deer hunting

I have never been interested in anything remotely to hunting.  Well, I found out Amy likes to go deer hunting with her father.  I learned this is one interest we don’t have in common.   I did not want to rule her out because of that, and possibly I would be missing out on a very nice girl.  So I didn’t talk much about deer hunting at my end of the conversation.   However, the good news was she loves to travel. and that was one of the things I like to do.  It was nice to know we have some similar interests to talk about.

Saying goodbye to Match.com

After we exchanged a few emails through the Website, I was ready to ask for her personal email address so we can talk outside of Match.com.  I considered this as the third stage in the communication process.  Actually, it was during this time that my subscription came to an end, and I told her that I’ll need her home email address to continue talking.   As I anxiously awaited her reply for about a day, she sent me her email address.   Whew, I was happy and fortunate to come this far and have at least one friend at the end of my subscription.  I guess my money wasn’t entirely wasted.

The missing picture

For a couple weeks, our emails got more interesting and I was learning more about her.  I started to like Amy but there was one big piece in the puzzle missing.  I still haven’t seen her picture, and that is very important to see whether there is chemistry.  I don’t intend to judge her entirely based on looks.  I believe there has to be some sort of connection.  For example, I may look at one girl thinking she is very pretty and another guy won’t be attracted to her.  I think people perceive looks differently in their own way.

I decided it was time to ask her for a picture because she had already seen mine.  Amy responded with this answer… “As for the picture, I don’t know how to put a picture on the computer.  I can describe myself if you’d like.”  There was something peculiar about that, and Amy told me she has been doing online dating for couple years now.  So, I would think she knows how and other guys must have asked for her picture.  Also, everyone has digital cameras and how hard would it be to attach a picture on the computer!  Anyway, I told her to describe herself but that didn’t give me many answers as to how she looks.  It was like trying to visualize a character in a novel.

The road to Starbucks

I don’t know what she was trying to hide by not showing her picture.  The conversations between us were getting more interesting, and she was starting to ask me more questions than before.  So, I decided it was time to make the next move for us to meet in person.  I was kind of scared thinking about it because it’s almost like a blind date.  I guess that is what to expect when you’re meeting someone online and not seeing their picture.  Oh well, I had come this far and I have nothing to lose.

Amy mentioned she liked drinking coffee a lot.  I asked her if she was interested in meeting at Starbucks.  I also told her that I don’t drink coffee much but I like cappuccino.  She did show interest in meeting but it did not work out smoothly.  I looked at my saved emails so I decided to share the actual conversations from my experience trying to meet someone for the very first time…

My reply:
I’m excited about meeting you. I remember you mentioning that you and your mom went shopping at Brookfield Square, so I’m thinking that we could meet at Starbucks across from V Richards plaza on Sunday at 11 am…

Amy wrote:
I work this weekend both Saturday and Sunday so that isn’t a good time to meet. I’m not sure what Starbucks you are talking about either. I’ll take a raincheck though. We can plan to meet on a different day and time…

My reply:
When is the next time you have the weekend off, or would you prefer to meet on a weeknight? I’ll look for a Starbucks closer to you and let you know in my next reply…

Amy wrote:
I will be turkey hunting May 10 through the 14 and the weekend of the 20 and 21 I’ll be busy also. A weeknight would be alright. Maybe the week of the 15 - 19. We could meet at the Starbucks by Brookfield Square. I’m sure I’ll be able to find it. I do live in the Falls and I know exactly where the Starbucks is. Anyway, let me know…

My reply:
I was thinking we could meet on Friday, May 19 at 7pm. Do you have any plans at that time? Sure, we can go to Starbucks near Brookfield Square…

Amy wrote:
That Friday isn’t good for me. We can meet at that Starbucks on a weeknight if that works for you. Let me know…

My reply:
No problem, we can meet on a weeknight. What day and time will work best for you next week? I usually get out of work around 6pm. I should be free anytime at 7pm or later…

Amy wrote:
A weeknight is good. I’ll let you know what night by Sunday night.

Amy wrote after Sunday night:
What day is good for you to meet?…

My reply:
I was thinking we could meet on Wednesday at 7pm. Will you be free at that time?…

Amy wrote:
I’m sorry but Wednesday isn’t good for me. I have to go stay by my dad’s house because they are going to Tennessee until Sunday. If you don’t mind we could meet Sunday sometime…

My reply:
I don’t have any plans on Sunday afternoon. What do you think about 3:00?

Amy wote:
Sunday afternoon at 3:00 at the Starbucks by Brookfield Square right?

As you can see with all these emails, I started to get very frustrated.  I just wanted to meet with her and get this over with.  Unfortunately, Saturday morning, on the day before we planned to meet, Amy cancelled it.  She apologized and told me she recently met someone and would like to see where that goes.

I sent her another nice email but she never got back to me again.  She wasn’t even interested to be just friends and stay in touch.  About a year later, I was browsing through Match.com, and I saw her profile without a picture posted.  She has been online so I don’t know if she really did meet someone, and what really happened.

Well, this is one of my stories I wanted to share about my online dating experience.

I created a message board for people with hearing impairment to share their personal experiences and thoughts. I think this will give me the opportunity to meet new people, interact, and help others deal with their life experiences similar to mine.

Please visit often and participate by submitting your stories, articles, or blog links that could help you, me, and everyone else who has had similar experiences relating to hearing loss.  I would be happy to post them here.

I don’t have lot of friends. How can I make more friends? I have entered a stage in my life wanting a girlfriend.  The people I meet at work are taken and have their own friends to hang out with.  I discovered the most popular place to meet people is online. I see millions of people are posting online profiles and pictures to connect with old friends and make new ones.

During the past 2 years, I have decided to make an effort to meet new friends online. There are people of all ages using personals, Myspace, and Facebook to connect with others. It has been very difficult and frustrating for me to make new friends in the online community.  When I try to get in touch with people, many of them won’t even respond whether or not they are interested in being my friend.

I have found some people to be very judgmental in dating sites. They have a set of strict guidelines and specify exact height, race, and hair color for their match. I may not meet any of these criteria but I could still be their perfect match and the type of person they’re looking for. They wouldn’t even know it without seeing my true personality. I was reluctant to mention in dating sites that I have mild hearing loss because that could possibly have them judge me as an outsider, who knows?

I am here to share interesting stories about my online dating experience.